Another week down,(progress pic) and tea with Rachel

 ..So this Thursday I had tea with a new friend of mine (her name is also Rachel.. so easy enough to remember ;) ). It was nice to finally get to sit down, and talk with someone who has actually competed, and is able to give you more info from personal experience than just what you see or read on Fitness model pages or blogs. 

-> I know Rachel from H.S. , I believe she was a grade under me, and I met her in choir (I have not idea how I ended up in the class .... my complete lack of musical talent still shocks me even today ..)... I did not really know her back then, I mean I knew who she was and all, but unfortunately had been misguided into the type of individual she was ... in fact she was intimidating to me for some reason... but it is amazing how much at that age you can be affected by people or ideas due to being insecure .. or at least I was.... I mean I did not dislike her or anything like that,....I didn't know her.... and nothing was ever said about her that was bad... it was just the idea that here there was this girl, she is very talented, very friendly, outgoing, has tons of friends... and then there was me... quiet, shy (look in the 2006 FHS yearbook and you will see my picture under "voted shyest" ... Not even kidding!) ... HS was terrible and I will be the first to admit I was jealous..... all because I was insecure with who I was or am...... I wish I had the ability to be a social butterfly, and have a huge group of friends, and could sing.. (my husband probably wishes the same for me sometimes :S). It was a lesson I had to learn over and over again.... I think I am just now getting the jist of it.

... In the end though she couldn't be farther from that person I thought she was of was so jealous of ... she is a wonderful person, easy to talk to, and it is so neat that I finally have someone who understands, and is going for a similar goal as me!

So eventually after HS we both became friends on Facebook (everything seems to evolve around it), and when I had first begun my fitness journey .. she was in the middle of hers.. and beginning to compete for the first time..... I had sooo many goals at the time.. first of which was to lose weight..and then to compete, and so after seeing her compete through the pictures she posted I finally saw what I had wanted to do and that my "dream" may in fact be something tangible.... so gradually over the last year we sent messages back and forth ... kept saying "we should meet up" (heck we live in the same small town)... but both of us had things going on in our lives.. and still do.... but it was nice that we finally got the chance to meet up after over a year of talking about it!


  anyways...we talked about what competing really is all about, and if it is really something I am ready for... not physically .. but mentally. To be honest I think this year is The Year  - I made relentless excuses last year "ohh its too expensive", "ohh its too cold out", "school and work are really making it hard" (although on my behalf, the last job I had previous to my current one, had me running in circles and feeling completely overwhelmed -chaotic at best )

I knew I wasn't fully ready last year.. I had a ton of things going on such as moving back from NC, doing full time school, working full time and trying to cater to everyone and eventually I ran myself back into old habits.. mostly gorging myself whenever I could, drinking every weekend, and the closest thing to a workout was walking to the kitchen ... however this year.. completely different story. Yes I still work full time and go to school full time .. but things are finally nearing an end ...and I finally quit trying to please people, and starting making me happy. (I know very cliche`, but its the truth!, and no I do not care if the little squiggly above the e on cliche is facing the wrong way --- see a start already)

I am not moving for one (not that I am aware of )....... two: I have a job that gives me pretty decent hours, and is something I am good at or enjoy doing,..Three: I graduate next January so this whole doing school on my days off thing is going to end this year!!(*prays*) .. and finally I have the support ... a new found friend who is willing to help ( I am extremely grateful that she is helping me)... and show me the ropes ...and not only all of that, but later this month I get to attend a meeting where I will have the opportunity to learn even more and network with fellow competitors (although I wouldn't call myself that juuusssst yet. ), and then again go to a 2 day camp in March to start really getting down to business!

I am super nervous, and I think that is what has me keeping my motivation, alongside the usual "progress pictures"..... I mean I hope that I have something to show when I go to the camp in March... it is 2 months before the competition itself so even then I will have a good amount of time to fix what I need.. but in general I would like to go with a bit of muscle.... something to show the hard work I have put in...

My legs are sore, my shoulders are sore (probably will be more so tomorrow.. because that's usually how it happens for me)... and I am actually toning out in my mid section :) 

 

(I took this pic tonight right before going to the gym and coming to work.... the lighting is sucky, but I can begin to see a little bit of definition in my bicep, and shoulders) -- I promise I will take better ones with better lightening as time progresses

as for now I am sitting here at my little CQ desk counting down the hours till I can go home and sleeepp ... and then be up 6 hours later to do the same thing.

I had a wonderful workout tonight (arms, abs, and cardio)... and I think I really pushed myself ... more so than I have been. So after tomorrow night another week down of working out... and another week to face..... I can do THIS!!